I was touched by hearing a young mother’s story about her ten-year-old going through puberty, struggling with hormones and emotions raging out of control. I thought to share it with you as a real-life example of love, unconditional love to be more specific.
Many children live with a deep belief that they are inadequate, not accepted, and unable to be valued and loved.
Such internal beliefs dictate how the child perceives the world and relationships. Rejection is the opposite of acceptance, and many children experience more of this than the acceptance they desire and need.
For adopted and foster children, the life story of rejection is well known. Rejection is not conveyed directly with actions or words; it is also expressed in the absence of things.
Acceptance does not imply that what you have done is okay, but instead, who you are is ok. I accept you. There are things you may do or ways in which you behave that I disagree with, but underneath it all, I accept you. You are my child. We will make it through.
When we think about how to be happy, we often ask “How can I help myself?”. One less obvious question, and perhaps a far more important one, is “How can I help someone else?”. That might sound idealistic or naïve, but it’s actually a great way to boost self-confidence and motivation. Helping others doesn’t just make them happier, it also makes us happier. When you need a boost in morale, your best bet may be to extend a hand to someone who needs it.
Study results showed that people with higher happiness ratings not only had a lower heart rate, but also had lower levels in their saliva of cortisol, a hormone associated with stress, and less concentration in their blood of a plasma that’s connected to heart disease.
Some people worry that love-based parenting means allowing your child to wreak havoc with no boundaries. This is a misconception.
Love-based parenting is founded on neuroscience and child development.
We must understand that a child’s behavior is a means of communication of an internal state and needs connection with a safe and mature adult. This connection, which is how we love and experience love, can help calm this state, and over time, build the response in the brain for self-soothing and relationships. It’s about teaching without fear or punishment. — Kristi Saul
In the meantime, don‘t bother asking questions about enlightenment and emptiness, but rather, Love vastly. Love with all your heart. Make love your name, your breath, the thing that impels you forward irresistibly.
Wash everyone and everything in love. Drown in love yourself. Die in it.
I imagine that many of you, like us, have children who cannot apologize. The words “I’m sorry” do not seem to be part of their vocabulary. This is so sad, but so are their histories, and so are our parenting practices at times, which only add to their burdens. This is most evident in children in foster care, adopted, or with trauma histories.
We have more empathy for other people when we’re more intimately aware of their suffering. A name, a face, and specific details about what happened to them can help us relate to them and what they’re going through. Their story becomes more real to us and we begin to feel what we would feel if we were them.
